When I was 14, I heard George Carlin’s 7 Words You Can’t Say On Television bit for the first time (and then immediately thereafter for the second, third, and fourth times). This codified my political view of censorship: namely, swear words are just words and, as George Carlin said, “the same words that hurt can heal.” And thus I learned to love and appreciate swearing as not simply a way to be vulgar. I realized swearing expressed things in a very specific and unique way.
But I don’t want to get into a discussion on the philosophy of language today. Today I want to express my extreme befuddlement at much of the Polite Internet’s inability to commit to a swear. If you have ever used the following or a variant of the following in a tweet, on your blog, in a text message, an email, or any other form of non-regulated, essentially private communication, I am talking to you:
- f***
- f**k
- f*ck
- s***
- s**t
- s*it
To you self-censors, I say this: you are allowed to use swearwords on the Internet. You will not be issued a fine by the FCC, kids will not start swearing because of you, the fabric of society will not rip apart at the seams like some scene out of Star Trek Generations, dogs and cats will not start living together. If you want to swear, use a swear word. If you don’t want to swear, use a different word. You can say “shoot” and “frick” and “gosh darn” and people might actually find that more entertaining than full-on swearing. But I can tell you: no one finds “s*it” entertaining or valuable. If they’re like me, they find it insults their intelligence at worst, and generally pointless at best.
When you self-censor in uncontrolled media, you look non-committal and stupid. Swear words exist for a reason, and when you put an asterisk in the middle of one, you rob it of any meaning and make yourself look foolish.
P.S. If standard swearing leaves you bored, I would recomend perusing the works of Brad Neely. He takes creative swearing to a wonderful new place. To wit: “Sometimes, if I’m fast enough, I catch a glimpse of the Brain Fuckler, just fucklin’ the shit out of everyone… and we don’t even know it.”o